Did you like living on the edge?
No not at all. That’s just how it seemed to be working out most of my life.
That was it though. I was done. No more screwing around. Whatever this was with David, it was there to stay for a while. With my fear of David, I realized I may have gotten into somewhat of the same situation as my mother did with Buss. I should have seen that coming for passing
judgment on her.
I must have decided that David did love me in some way although he only said those words once. It was January 20, 1981. I remember because it was the day Ronald Regan was sworn in to the presidency and gave his inaugural speech. He didn’t say it in the heat of passion or a sweet sentimental moment. We were having a discussion while still in bed that morning about us and our relationship and I think he said it something like this. “You want me to say I love you? I love you, there.” I know, I know why did I stay with him? At first I did love him and I loved him for many
years although we didn’t always live together. Of the eleven and a half years that we were married, we lived eight of those in separate houses and only a few blocks away from each other. But then I was accustomed to living in a separate house.
I was sick most of the time while with David. The doctor said I had developed and ulcer on top of the acid reflux disease and anxiety attacks. I took medication for the ulcer for ten years. I was sick a lot; stressed beyond belief with him. He was a very unhappy man.
He was unhappy?
Oh yes, the most miserable, unhappy person I have ever come across. Nothing worked for him, nothing went his way, and people took advantage of him. I think he was always this way but he says that he hated to leave his family. When he came to America, his father passed away but the family didn’t tell him for quite a while. I don’t think he ever got over that. He wanted to have at least gone back to Iran for the burial. I don’t know why they kept it from him unless they were afraid for him to go back due to the discrimination toward the Jews. He told me they had to give up a couple of homes to the regime, so I assumed it was just a bad time for him to go back to Iran. War broke out between Iran and Iraq in the 80’s while we were married. The Iranians were sending boys as young as ten into the battlefields to detonate mines, David told me. He had a nephew about that age and the family and David feared for his life so somehow with the help of David, he was brought to America and lived in New York City with family. David continued to help him financially and David had even helped financially smuggle one of his brothers out of Iran and into Israel because his life was in danger for some reason. I sometimes think his heart was only big enough for his family and Iran, his homeland and he missed both very much.